Who is this guy? I bet you’re wondering.
I’m several things–a psychologist, businessman, writer, friend. I’m also a sex educator and sexual explorer, having had my chakras realigned by tantricas in Sedona, taken part in Native American sacred sexuality ceremonies in Phoenix, been quick frozen and set on fire in Seattle, and dined with transsexuals in Chicago.
But, first and foremost, I’m a dad.
As a teenager, I never thought much about having kids of my own. One . . . maybe . . . someday. When I wound up with five, I figured it was time to get serious and learn how to be a good dad.
The big surprise is how much I’ve come to enjoy parenting–preparing meals, nursing wounds, dispensing advice, and saying no. That’s right, saying no. Not maybe, or ask me later. Straight out, to the point no, delivered with enthusiasm. The reason I like saying no, besides the fact that kids need to hear it, is because it’s my truth in the moment. When I make an assessment and the answer is no, I say no and provide a short explanation. I’m rarely challenged to change my positions since my no’s are delivered with cheerful finality, and because, as my kids are well aware, I like saying yes even better. I dispense lots of yes’s, and when I do, I deliver them with as much gusto as I deliver my no’s. It’s easy to say yes to kids, since the simple act results in smiles from cheek to cheek, shrieks at ear-piercing levels, and squeals like those of wild animals. It’s much harder to say no. But with practice, I assure you, no’s get easier.
I remember telling all of my kids at one time or another that my job isn’t to make them happy. It’s to be their partner in helping them establish solid foundations from which to create their own future happiness. Translation: “The answer is no, but you can count on me to say yes when a yes really matters.” The other thing I often say when the answer is no is: “I’m glad you want that. Wanting is a good thing.”
Kids and Sex! 